Chapter 1

The Emotional Landscape

She was only twenty when she left the west coast behind and stepped into the vast, open wheatbelt land, a girl in op-shop boots, sporting a punk hairstyle and an attitude that threw caution to the wind. She had fallen for a man who was a farmer.

While her contribution to the farm was immense, she also developed a deep appreciation for work through diverse early roles. She pumped fuel at roadhouses, weighed grain trucks on weighbridges, sold airtime at a radio station, and connected recruiters with job seekers in employment offices.

She was a student. When her children were born, she studied whenever she could, at night and into the small hours, while breastfeeding them, during their sleep times and on weekends when their dad was around. She was a nurturer. She also fed the shearing teams, her family, orphaned lambs, dogs, stray cats, guinea pigs, and birds. She was isolated. She was new to town. Her parents were hours away. Family support was a phone call or a three-hour drive. She was a mother. The children grew, and she raised them for the present, not for the future, loving them, nurturing them, teaching them everything she knew.

Yet, she never imagined how quickly her three daughters would grow up. They were taught to be kind, strong, and independent thinkers, as well as farm helpers, with tasks such as lamb marking, sheep drafting, and rock picking. She packed school lunches, birthday cakes, netball, hockey, and cross-country uniforms. She watched them get on the school bus each morning and the train to boarding school in later years. Each time they left, she cried.

When they finally left for good, one after the other, ready to step out into the world, what was left was even harder to imagine. It was a kind of anguish, unlike ordinary sadness or grief, like childbirth, impossible to grasp until you’re in it.

Who was she going to be without them? What was wrong with her? Surely other mothers felt this, too. No one discussed this part: how the house stays tidy but feels cold and empty, how much you miss them. These moments weren’t marked. There were no parties, no celebrations for their leaving.

Sorrow and inexplicable grief overwhelmed her. She buried herself in her work, studies, and whatever else she could to distract herself. She still had more than half her life remaining. Over time, a sense of wonder grew. Beneath the purpose of that maternal life, something was waiting for her.

Personal Stories

This chapter explores the journey of the empty nest, from parents’ initial emotional reactions when children leave home to the realisation that their lives are only just beginning, filled with many unexpected opportunities. It also offers some strategies to manage these emotions and the realisation that this stage brings.

I spoke to women across towns, cultures, and nations who weren’t afraid to share their memories and reflections, many still raw years after their children had left. This may have been their first real chance to express their feelings openly. There are few moments to