1.
Setting the Stage
We have all heard that it is better to be proactive than reactive. We know that investing time upfront saves us hassles later on. A stitch in time saves nine … etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. But, as parents, we have very busy lives. We make cupcakes for the bake sale. We volunteer for school field trips. We carpool to soccer practices, hockey rinks and swim meets. We throw birthday parties. We drive to the mall and to the movies. We show up on time for language lessons, tutoring and a whole host of other activities. We do all these things not because we love every minute of them but because we want to ensure our kids have rich, healthy and fulfilling lives.
Put on top of that the daily responsibilities of cooking, cleaning, preparing lunches and going to your paid work. Now sprinkle in the complexities and realities of our actual children — our children who do not always behave the way we want and need them to, when we want them to or need them to.
This sometimes means there is not a lot of time to get ahead of things. We get it. We live it. Parenting is tough!
Parents simply do not have the time to be as prepared as they would like to be. We fall prey to marketing strategies aimed to guilt us into feeling disorganized, unprepared and wasteful of our precious family time. We do not need more suggestions on meal prep and sticky-note organizers to make ourselves more available to our families.
Let’s be clear. This is NOT our message.
Our message is simple. Taking a few moments ahead of time toPrepare for interactions with our kids will actually save time and frustration in the end. And much of this preparation is mental preparation — not time taken to buy, make or create things.
Can you relate?
Penelope argues with her mother about taking a bath. Her mum hears ‘I don’t want to’ for the umpteenth time and is already feeling tired from her hectic day at the office.
RESULT: Her mum decides to skip the bath altogether and is frustrated that she relented to her daughter’s strong will yet again.
Joseph’s father offers to help with homework. At first, things are going very well but when they move onto a new topic, Joseph immediately complains that it is ‘too hard’. Joseph hides under the table and refuses to keep working.
RESULT: Fed up, his father walks away from the table and the homework does not get finished. His dad is worried Joseph will fail his upcoming test.
Claude and his brother Philippe balk at the broccoli on their dinner plates. One of them goes so far as to throw his greens on the floor.
RESULT: His mother picks up the broccoli from the floor, ‘gives in’ and allows them to not eat their vegetables. She spends the rest of the evening upset with herself, feeling guilty and like a ‘bad parent’ for not being able to feed her children healthy foods.
Anjali is told she can watch one episode of her favourite show after dinner. After the show ends, she sits quietly, hoping her parents will not notice it is over. When her parents enter the room 10 minutes later, Anjali is happily engaged in the second episode.
RESULT: Parents are upset about her lack of honesty but they decide to ‘let it go’ and let her keep watching as she is already halfway through the episo
