Part II
The facets of my disease
The further the content and my problems with it
After I have put the first part of my own story down on paper in such a way that I have covered all the points that are important to me, I struggle with myself and the many thoughts about the rest of the content for many months or even years. At times I think about whether I shouldn't just “destroy” everything I've written so far and focus more on my current life instead of constantly dwelling on the past. I'm torn as to whether what I'm writing down will interest anyone at all and, if so, whether I'll be able to express myself clearly and cover all the important topics. I spend many sleepless nights going over the content again and again and increasingly have the feeling that I just can't get it right. My mood alternates between sadness, anger and disappointment in myself to exuberant enthusiasm.
My attempts to include the “right” points in the “right” order repeatedly fail miserably and each time bring me close to the point of giving up on everything. Again and again I think about what has to come in which order until I finally come to the realization that the order (except for part I) doesn't matter in the end. Exactly – the order simply doesn't matter. There are simply many topics that can be placed next to each other in a rather random order. My perfectionism, which in retrospect was a hindrance at this point and probably still is, almost made me throw everything away. The following content can therefore basically be read in any order without overlooking anything that is essential. With this realization I can now finally continue working.
Medical doctor, addiction therapist and sufferer
To avoid giving the impression that I am putting myself on the same level as doctors and addiction therapists, I would like to make a few comments in advance, not least to show that many of my statements represent my own experiences and the conclusions I have drawn from them. My aim is to make processes accessible to a broad readership without in-depth medical and therapeutic expertise. To make it clear once again: My accounts are those of a “long-time alcoholic” and are not primarily based on theories from outsiders, most of whom have never been addicted to alcohol themselves. Doctors and therapists may have gained experience in many different ways over time through their training and later work with patients, but they can never understand what it really feels like to be trapped in your own addiction. So it is also obvious that the “dry alcoholic” is an important, if notindispensable, part of finding the cause and also of supporting alcoholics.
Realistically assessing our limits
There is certainly a wealth of knowledge about the processes in our brain with regard to the development of alcohol dependence, as well as emerging approaches to medical and therapeutic treatment. Terms used in this context include messenger substances, neurotransmitters, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and many others. Drugs that trigger certain reactions in our brain change, strengthen, weaken or even stop certain reactions in our brain, albeit with side effects which, as far as I know, are o
