3 / AN IRONY FOR ANIRONY

Aknock.

“Hark! What could this? My door’s not been knocked in an Airedale’s age! Must be some peddler, merchant, hawking war bonds. Bibles. Brushes. Some charity handout. Firemen’s raffle. ‘Grit.’”

Knockingcontinues.

“Beware of dog! Nobody here but us chickens! I have given at theoffice!”

Moreknocking.

“Who goes there? Halt, or I’llshoot!”

“Your disposition disappoints me! I am saddened and compelled to weep! I will go now and return withsoldiers.”

“This dog’s deadlier than any given militia one couldmuster!”

“Still scribbling, eh? Well, then, I do have reason to believe you’ve indeed a dog inthere!”

“Stosh! Well! One is company, two’s a stampede! Enter at your ownrisk!”

Door opens. Stosh Haddockenters.

“Stosh! Why not say so in the first place, you fool? Well! It’s been an alligator’s age! Unfold your face, old man! I barely recognize you! Whatgives?”

“Fortune, under the weight offate.”

“Join thecrew.”

“Hate to take the sails out of your wind, old boy, but in fact I’ve ‘arrived.’”

“Oh.”

“But the bad news first. The worst of it’s... Well, aren’t you going to offer me achair?”

“They’re not forsale.”

They takeseats.

“Small things often come in good packages. But a good package is no small item! Meaning? Well, firstly, they’ve publicly paddled Brogan, you know. For prematurely placating the post-puppet government. The vanguard of ventriloquists, all spanked in