: Annette Burns, Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner
: Co-parenting by Design The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents
: Unhooked Books
: 9781950057436
: Co-parenting by Design
: 1
: CHF 10.50
:
: Partnerschaft, Sexualität
: English
: 232
: kein Kopierschutz
: PC/MAC/eReader/Tablet
: ePUB
In Co-parenting by Design, family law experts Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner help divorced or separated parents agree on a plan that reduces conflict over the parenting schedule, holidays, vacations, medical decisions, education, and safety, and equips readers to deal with special situations like parental alienation and substance abuse. It's stressful to be a divorced or separated parent. You may feel that you're constantly being scrutinized by your co-parent and by the court system. You are expected to be superhuman: to forgive and forget, to be endlessly patient, to be a perfect parent, and to be calm and gracious no matter what. If you feel overwhelmed, you're not alone. In Co-parenting by Design, Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner offer their combined sixty-plus years of experience in family law to help you let go of these unrealistic expectations and successfully navigate the challenges of parenting after divorce or separation. With customizable sample language you can incorporate in your own document, this book makes it easy to draw up a thorough and effective parenting plan or evaluate a plan provided by a parenting coordinator or other court official. You'll learn how to: - come to an agreement about the parenting schedule, holidays, and vacations - address medical decisions, education, safety, your child's possessions, and more - deal with challenging situations like parental alienation, domestic violence, or your co-parent's substance abuse - disengage from conflict - communicate effectively - reduce stress - increase your child's sense of security by conveying solidarity - protect your child's well-being With a complete parenting plan in place, you'll be prepared manage everyday routines and handle the unexpected. Co-parenting by Design helps you overcome conflict and get back to what matters most: enjoying stress-free time with your child.

Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner, JD, is a family law attorney, mediator, and court-appointed Parenting Coordinator. She previously worked with Child Protective Services and a domestic violence shelter before transitioning to legal practice. After managing a non-profit organization's legal department, Nicole immersed herself in family law as an associate attorney and later as a partner in a Phoenix, Arizona firm. As a judge pro tem and trained Parenting Coordinator, Nicole serves the legal community by facilitating Alternative Dispute Resolution conferences and conducting private mediations. She is an effective advocate for clients after her tenure as a judicial officer in the Maricopa County Superior Court and a participant on the Maricopa County Superior Court Mental Health Roster. She is an award-winning jurist with experience teaching family law courses at local institutions.
CHAPTER TWO
Obstacles to Co-parenting
Even under the best of circumstances, co-parenting is not easy, and for any number of reasons people may co-parent ineffectively. Ineffective co-parenting refers to situations in which separated or divorced parents are unable to work together to raise their child. It may involve a lack of communication, collaboration, and shared decision-making between parents, which is likely resulting in negative effects on the well-being and development of their child.
The following are just a few examples of poor co-parenting and the consequences for the child.
• Parents cannot agree on who will be the child’s dentist, so the child waits weeks in pain without dental care while the parents argue over the provider.
• At child exchanges, the parents engage in name-calling or become physical with each other while talking about each parent’s new significant other. As a result, the child develops anxiety about exchanges, mistrusts their parents’ new partners, and begins to name-call and hit a younger sibling.
• A parent sends over a dozen text messages a day to the other parent asking the same child-related question because they have not received an answer. The other parent is so overwhelmed or annoyed by the tremendous number of texts that they continue to be non-responsive, and the question posed by the texting parent goes unanswered. Both parents are so angry or stressed about the constant emailing that the child knows something is wrong and believes it to be their fault.
• One parent fails to include or notify the other parent about a meeting with the child’s teacher. At the meeting, the teacher gives important information about the child’s schoolwork and offers helpful information and tools to support the child in school. The parent who wasn’t told about the meeting doesn’t know of the problem and fails to give the child the support they need.
• One parent tells the child intimate details about the parents’ relationship, including telling the child about all the money the other parent wasted and spent. This parent tells the child to watch for and report the other parent’s expenses because so much money is wasted. The child then becomes a spy and aligns with the parent who made the accusation of wasted money. The child starts to mistrust one parent and becomes anxious that the family will run out of money.
• Because the parents don’t speak with each other, a parent fails to follow the Parenting Plan on a holiday, either by refusing to return the child or not taking the parenting time the child was entitled to. This creates anxiety and confusion for the child as they don’t know what the schedule is or when they will see one of their parents again.
There are many contributing factors that lead to ineffective co-parenting, like the examples described above. This chapter will address some of the worst situations that lead to long-term problems for the child.
A. Poor Parent Communication
The way parents communicate with each other, or don’t, can negatively affect co-parenting. Co-parents may have various types of ineffective communication styles. Generally, when co-parents allow their own feelings and bitterness to inform their communications, communication suffers.
Some parents communicate as if they are the child’s sole parent and subsequently fail to collaborate or engage with the other parent. As an example, one parent may schedule to take a child to a doctor’s appointment without telling the other parent or even considering that the other parent should have been told about the appointment. Or a parent may purposely fail to give the other parent’s contact information to a medical or psychological provider, resulting in one parent being essentially “left out in the cold” when it comes to the child’s medical information.
A parent may fail to answer questions asked of them or intentionally or unintentionally delay the process of making decisions, both of which will be detrimental to the child. As an example, if one co-parent would like to register the child for summer school and asks the other parent about it, but the other parent fails to respond, the result is often that the child cannot attend because the program has filled up by the time the parents address the issue.
Parents may also communicate regularly, but ineffectively. Examples of this type of communication include a barrage of multiple emails in a short period of time, ca