II. — THE OUTWITTING OF MR. THEODORE MATCH

First published in The Sunday Post, Glasgow, Feb 16, 1919)

Revised version printed as"A Contribution to Charity" in The Brigand

This series describes the remarkable adventures of Captain Hex, a young discharged army officer, and his former batman*, Belshazzar Smith, who have together established a private detective agency, the object of which is to help the ex-Service men and their families. Captain Hex has prepared a list of men whose fortunes during the war have expanded beyond their own dreams of wealth, and his schemes for extracting munificent sums from these men—invariably against their will—are as novel as they are entertaining.

[* Sic. In the first story in the series, Captain Hex, during his initial conversation with Smith says:"I met you last night for the first time!" Identifying Smith as Hex's"former batman" is evidently an error on the part of The Sunday Post editor who wrote this introductory blurb. —RG.]

Belshazzar Smith

"BELSHAZZAR SMITH," said Captain Hex suddenly.

They had sat for an hour in the fading light, smoking in silence. The evening sky was still light, and through the open window came the shrill voices of children at play.

"Sir?" said Belshazzar Smith.

"Light the gas and have a look at the picture gallery."

Belsshazzar Smith rose heavily, put his big pipe on the mantelshelf, and lit the gas. The he walked across to the wall on which were pasted a number of portraits cut from the illustrated papers.

"In the second row, the third from the right, you find—what?"

"Theodore Match," read Mr. Smith.

"That's the man. Well, Theodore Match, Esquire, who has never given a ha'penny to charity, is going to provide a start in life for some fifty soldiers' families."

Mr. Smith nodded and reached for his pipe.

"That's better," he said."As Fielding says, 'A rich man without charity is a rogue,' and, as 'Errick says—"

"We'll leave 'Errick out," said Captain Hex."Anyway, you needn't praise Mr. Match. He'll be Sir Theodore Match in the next Honours List, because he doesn't know how generous he is going to be. Belshazzar, is your tobacco dearer than it used to be? Is meat dearer—is bread dearer—is everything dearer that comes from overseas? Who do you think has got the extra ha'pence? The planter and the farmer have got a bit. They worked for it and good luck to them. But Theodore Match has got more than his whack. He's had a ha'penny of yours for tobacco and a farthing for your loaf of bread and something out of everything you eat or drink. He's raised his freights. Coal is dear, labour is dearer—everything's dear. But he's the dearest thing of all. There's nothing cheap about Theodore except the souls he sends to sea and the men he employs and his patriotic speeches. I have put him down on the subscription list to my Cottage Homes for the Widows and Orphans of the Mercantile Marine for the s