CHAPTER ONE

FEELING BLUE

From the late 1300s, the expression ‘feeling blue’ has been used to mean being sad. But there are many other cultural meanings given to the colour blue. In Western countries, blue also denotes safety and trust or authority; for example, the blue uniforms worn by the police. It has also been linked with masculinity — that old notion ‘blue is for boys, pink for girls’ — and associated with tranquillity.

• In Indian culture it is associated with Lord Krishna, and represents bravery and strength.

• In Latin America it represents hope, but also mourning.

• In Chinese culture, blue symbolises immortality and advancement, and the season of spring.

• For Māori, blue is associated with the sky father, Ranginui.

Universally, the associations of the colour blue are primarily positive. However, in Western contemporary culture the colour blue also has a strong association with sadness.

In Africa, blue is the colour of harmony and love, symbolising the importance of peace and togetherness. Yet for the African people who were taken to the New World to work as slaves, singing ‘the blues’ was something different again. These were songs of their despair and suffering, sung to make the time pass more quickly. Historians refer to blues music as being about the slaves’ struggle to survive and their efforts to win back their freedom. Perhaps our collective consciousness of ‘feeling blue’ also emanates partly from our resonance with the universal language of music such as the blues.

FEELING SAD

Sadness is something all of us experience. You might feel sad because someone has died, because a relationship has ended, because you have experienced a loss of some kind, any kind — a friend, a job, an opportunity.

Feeling sad or ‘blue’ is very much a part of our emotional repertoire. You feel happy sometimes; and at other times you feel disappointed; you feel angry, excited or frustrated; you feel blue.

Emotions are innate. They are biologically driven reactions to certain challenges and opportunities, sculpted by evolution to help humans survive, as part of the ‘fight/flight/freeze’ response.

Some emotions, such as shame and guilt, are learned emotions, shaped by the social and cultural environment we grow up in.

What I have observed in my clinical work, particularly in the past twenty or so years, is that if we don’t like how we experience an emotion, we don’t want it to be there. If you happen to be feeling sad about the breakdown of your relationship, you might