: Suzanne Stabile
: The Path Between Us An Enneagram Journey to Healthy Relationships
: IVP Formatio
: 9780830876068
: 1
: CHF 16.80
:
: Theoretische Psychologie
: English
: 208
: Wasserzeichen
: PC/MAC/eReader/Tablet
: ePUB
Strengthen Your Relationships with the Enneagram's Wisdom Most of us have no idea how others see or process their experiences. And that can make relationships hard, whether with intimate partners, with friends, or in the workplace. Understanding the motivations and dynamics of these different personality types can be the key that unlocks sometimes mystifying behavior in others-and in ourselves. In The Path Between Us, Suzanne Stabile, coauthor, with Ian Morgan Cron, of The Road Back to You - explains the nine Enneagram types and how they behave and experience relationships - guides you into deeper insights about yourself, your type, and others' personalities, and - invites you to have healthier, more life-giving relationships through the wisdom of the Enneagram. The Path Between Us explores questions like: - Why do Sixes seem so intimidated and put off by Eights, who only wish the Sixes would stop mulling things over and take action? - Why do Fives seem so unavailable, even to their closest family and friends, while Twos seem to feel everybody else's feelings but their own and end up irritating people who don't want their help? - How in the world can Fours be so open and loving to you one day and restrained and distant other times? The Enneagram not only answers these questions but gives a way out of the usual finger pointing and judging of other people-and finding them wanting, perplexing, or impossible. Suzanne's generous, sometimes humorous, and always insightful approach reveals why all the types behave as they do. This book will help you foster more loving, mature, and compassionate relationships with everyone in your life.

Suzanne Stabile is an internationally recognized Enneagram master teacher. She is the author of The Path Between Us and coauthor, with Ian Morgan Cron, of the bestseller The Road Back to You. She is the host of The Enneagram Journey podcast. Along with her husband, Rev. Joseph Stabile, she is cofounder of Life in the Trinity Ministry located in Dallas, Texas.

8s


Vulnerability Is Not Weakness


Melissa called and asked if we could talk about a problem at work, so I suspected it was in regard to her relationship with a colleague at her new job. The head of recruiting at a high-tech startup, Melissa is smart, creative, and very successful. She’s a good leader, but like other Eights she often struggles in relationships with her coworkers. Eights function best when they can choose who they work with, but Melissa inherited her staff when she joined the company. From earlier conversations, I knew that she would not have chosen Emily.

Melissa had previously told me how tired she was of hearing Emily whine about the database system. “Instead of whining, why can’t she just learn it!” Melissa usually worked fifty-five hours a week and was angry that Emily struggled to work forty, often missing work-related events for her aging mother’s doctor appointments, her granddaughter’s ballet recitals, and other personal conflicts.

When I answered the call from Melissa, she was already operating at an increased volume, as is typical for Eights. Like other Eights, who seldom have time for or any interest in small talk, she jumped right in. “It’s about Emily. We just completed her six-month performance review. I started by asking her if she had anything she wanted to talk about before we discussed her evaluation. I thought that was such a great way to start—you know, kind of personal.”

But Melissa was not prepared for what she heard next. With a shaky voice, Emily said, “I don’t think you respect me. You are always so impatient and demanding. Sometimes I even feel bullied by you. Other people I have talked to said they have felt that too.”

I could tell by her tone that Melissa was still angry, but I also knew she was hurt. I asked how she responded to Emily.

“Well,” she said, “I paused and then asked some questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

“I wanted her to give me objective proof for her feelings, so I asked her what happened to make her feel that way. I told her I had been very honest with her about my expectations and her responsibilities. I tried to explain to her that our department is very important to this phase of building the business and that we have a responsibility to recruit the right people for crucial positions or the company will fail.”

There was a long pause, and then Melissa asked me very sincerely, “Suzanne, why can’t peoplejust do their jobs?”

What’s Going on Here?

Which person in this story do you identify with most? Why?

Is Melissa a bully? Why or why not?

What does Emily really want from Melissa?

How can the Enneagram explain what’s happening here?


Through the lens of the Enneagram, this story is about so much more than an aggressive boss and an intimidated or ineffective employee. It’s about two people who see the job and their working relationship—and the world—from completely different perspectives. Melissa is an Eight. Emily is not. Melissa thought she was encouraging Emily to fulfill her professional responsibilities, so she was blindsided by Emily’s emotional outburst. Although they managed to finish the performance review, Melissa shared with me that she had no confidence that things would change. Eventually, Emily asked to be transferred.

Most Enneagram numbers broker peace with others as they go through the day—bridging emotional distance with a quick exchange, observation, or compliment before each going their own way. Unfortunately, Eights don’t feel the obligation that prompts this kind of relational cleanup, so they usually move on to the next thing. It can feel like Eights don’t care about us, but the fact is they simply aren’