THE SIMPLE TRUTH is that often we don’t really know what we want, but we think we know. And because we don’t know what we want, but we think we know, we interact with others in deals and disputes chasing blurred objectives. But the process of negotiation, when properly pursued, can be a process of joint self-discovery by both parties, one that leads us closer to what we want and also brings to our counterparty or parties what they want.
The path of that process begins with the recognition of this fact: that we don’t know what we want. This recognition is followed by a period of intellectual curiosity during which we ask and listen, culminating in the final stage of preparation, reflection, and classic problem-solving techniques. The success of this process is dependent on shifting our thinking from “what we want” to “why we want it” and then back again to “what we want.” This dynamic process is one of investigation and discovery. It involves not just introspection but also an examination of the counterparty’s interests and motivations.
Understanding the “why” requires a lot of preparation. This preparation comes in the form of examining the underlying motivations you have and also, the u
