One

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a student visa must be in want of an Australian wife.

This truth is so well fixed in the minds of single girls who hold Australian citizenship that any such young man, whatever his feelings, is instantly suspected of being more interested in obtaining permanent residence than genuinely falling in love with them.

Hassan from Turkey, who is at this moment sitting in my lounge room eating crème caramel, confirms this truth. Hassan has been in Australia for a little over five months. He has an IT degree under one arm, student visa under the other, and barely speaks a word of English. Well, apart from his recitation of the lyrics ofTitanic’s theme song, ‘My Heart Will Go On’.

Poor Hassan. It’s so obvious to me that he’s interested in me because a) I’m single and the matchmaking busybody aunties in my local Turkish network know I’m ‘available’; and b) I’m an Australian citizen and so would be Hassan’s ticket to permanent residence.

Hassan has brought along his equally visaless roommate, Salih, for support. Salih’s in the family room, making small talk with my parents (no doubt trying to as