UNDERSTANDING TEENAGERS
How to handle a teenager is an ongoing problem. The world changes, behaviours evolve, but the passage from childhood to adulthood is a perennial issue. Our children all go through a stage in their life which is critical and every parent is, one day or another, confronted to the problem of managing this troublesome period called adolescence. The etymology of the word comes from the Latinadolescere: growing andalere: to nurture, to make something grow. Adolescence corresponds to the period of life between puberty and adulthood. It is a journey that will bring the individual a greater autonomy having gone through a process of growing, learning and maturing. It is interesting to know that according to the UNICEF 2016 statistics, the teenage population was estimated at 1.8 billion, the largest adolescent population that the world has ever known.
In English, the term teenagers includes ages from thirteen to nineteen. But nowadays it seems that the period of adolescence is much longer and more flexible. Studies have shown that young people reach puberty much earlier and, as socioeconomic reasons push them to live at home over a longer period of time, the coexistence between parents and teens can last quite a few years.
Let’s go back in time to fully understand the situation that teenagers face today. Their status has greatly changed over the years. In Europe, children of fourteen and even younger often left their homes to work for other families or to start an apprenticeship. In the 19th century the situation changed because of industrialisation and more and more teenagers stayed at home and worked to help the household financially up to the age of their wedding. Then in the 20th century, three main changes occurred; child protection laws, compulsory schooling and longer school years. These three elements meant that children were going to spend much more time in the home. Consequently, young people found themselves in a situation in which they became financially dependent on their parents. This was also enhanced by the fact that families became less numerous and that dwellings were getting bigger. Economic reasons linked to increasing unemployment are added factors which pushed teenagers and adults to live under the same roof. Up to this day, many young adults just can’t afford to pay their own lodgings. The whole family dynamics is thus altered and parents have to find ways to adapt to this unsettling situation.
Dealing with adolescence is difficult but it is also a wonderful opportunity to do things right and to ensure a good and healthy relationship between two generations. This challenge can be either constructive or very damaging for everyone concerned, seriously jeopardising the future adult to adult relationship. Instead of just reacting or overreacting to teenagers’ behaviour one has to adopt a philosophical approach to bring harmony back in the family. One needs practical tools to achieve this but it is mainly about taking on a drastically new attitude.
I have a way of solving problems which came quite instinctively to me when my children started to become teenagers. My method was consolidated and made stronger thanks to my professional and personal experience as well as my
