Chapter ofLove

Quote: “I love myself enough to show you that how I define love is essential to our relationship.”

Analogy: Weather is unpredictable. Things must be just right for it to snow, and when it is not, it will not happen. When we observe coldness in the air combined with enough moisture, we eventually experience snow falling. The action of Mother Nature makes it possible for us to experience snow. Regardless of what someone says, we must wait for the action of Mother Nature to make snowfall. This is the same for love; someone can say something that equates to love, but until we observe the individual’s actions, we cannot experience love.

Pre-assessment forLove

Read and answer these questions. Pause and reflect on your answers before reading the next section. We all must assess where we are to determine what is necessary to get where we want to be.

• How do you define love?
• What is a specific and recent example of showing love to yourself based on how you define love?
• How often do you demonstrate your definition of love to yourself?
• Write down at least five people who love you based on how you define love with a specific and recent example?
• How often do they demonstrate your definition of love to you?
• How do you show love to other people?
• What are actions and words that, when used, make you feel that someone does not love you?
• How and when do you tell people how to love you or that you do not feel love from them?

Self-Love andTrauma

Philautia, or self-love, is the type of love that everyone needs to demonstrate. Self-love is healthy and a necessity for you to operate as the best version of yourself. This is the type of love that helps to create accountability of self to do what is right. Self-love is a boundary for yourself to ensure that you are taken care of before meeting others’ needs. Self-love fulfills you in a way that nothing external to you can. It gives you the nourishment that nothing external to you can give you. Self-love radiates from the inside out. Self-love radiates outward in a way that forces people to recognize they are interacting with someone who not only has a standard but holds people to that standard of love. Self-love is not sacrificing a relationship with others. It is the sacrifice of feeling obligated to take care of everyone else before yourself. Self-love will allow you to walk into an environment that suggests you shouldn’t be loved and feel unfazed. Self-love is what gives you the confidence and ability to walk away from situations that are not good for your well-being. Self-love will have you ignore phone calls that have nothing but negativity on the other end. Self-love will rock the boat with some people in your life that do not practice self-love or have good intentions for you. Self-love wil