CHAPTER 2
How to Write a BIFF Communication
BIFF communications are:
BRIEF
INFORMATIVE
FRIENDLY
FIRM
They help you focus on what is important and leave everything else out. They are designed to be in writing, but you can use this approach for an in-person conversation too. However, we recommend that you focus on writing good BIFF communications first, because they give you time to think before sending.
Here is the reasoning behind each of these four principles:
BRIEF
This keeps the communication totally focused on what is necessary and nothing more. Generally, BIFF communications are a paragraph, such as 3-5 sentences. This isn’t a rigid rule, but the longer the BIFF is the higher the risk of triggering or re-triggering the other person’s defensiveness—especially if they are defensive much of the time. This also helps you avoid getting bogged down in writing a long explanation of why you are right and the other person is wrong. We want to steer clear of that type of interaction, which just goes downhill. Occasionally, BIFF communications may be a full page if there are important details to explain, but this should be rare. This also shouldn’t be so brief that its abrupt. Sometimes people want to write a single sentence or half sentence or word. (The answer is NO!) That usually backfires and escalates the conflict rather than calming it.
INFORMATIVE
It should provide straight information related to the issue at hand. It should not be emotional, judgmental, opinionated, defensive, or criticizing. Just straight information. Since it should be brief, this information could be contained in a sentence or two in most cases. Ideally, the information is logical information, such as what time something occurred or occurs; where something may take place; and how a task may be done. It may help to start a sentence with: “For your information…” This keeps it focused on the actual information that needs to be conveyed. In a sense, you want to appeal to their left brain problem-solving thinking, rather than to their right brain defensive reactions. This is where you decide how they will respond to you, if at all. Straight information often ends the need for further discussion.
FRIENDLY
This may seem like the last thing you want to