Lessons from the Wisdom Within
By Peggy M. Fisher

Synopsis: A woman’s marital crisis in mid-life spurs a brave new beginning through Eastern practices. She discovers both inner wisdom and the courage to change.

The year was 1970 and I was approaching my fortieth birthday when I became uprooted. Didn’t they say that life begins at forty? Wasn’t I a survivor: a person who moved from one bump or collision in the road to a more viable path? Hadn’t I conquered my fears and walked with determination as a young student nurse, an Army officer, a teacher and now a counselor?

But after twelve years of marriage and three children my marriage was falling apart and I was slipping into a cave of darkness that tormented me. I spent hours searching in my library of psychology textbooks from Sigmund Freud to Harry Stack Sullivan. I bought new books about the theories of depression, but the words on the page had no meaning. I had earned the title of a clinical specialist in psychiatry and thought, /can find my way out of this. There had to be something out there that would be helpful to me, but I didn’t have a clue as to where I would find it.

My church attendance which had been sporadic, now folded. There were conflicts surrounding the removal of the minister that were troubling to me. Because my spiritual roots were strongly anchored, my daily prayers remained constant. It was my lifeline to the next day.

I struggled to refresh my survival skills. I took belly dancing and line dancing to elevate my spirits. I hid the intensity of my pain behind multiple masks. During the day, I wore the mask of a serene and organized counselor helping my students to make decisions. When I arrived home, I became the loving mother involved in my children’s needs. The weight of the masks was tiring and the living room couch became a resting place between my family chores: cooking dinner, helping them with their homework and finally getting them ready for bed.

I dreaded the nights because I knew my