Introduction

Going Beyond Survival: Exploring a New Dimension to Grief

Well, here it is—another book on grief. I suspect that’s one thought that may have crossed your mind when your eye caught the title of this book. Another thought might have been something like, “Sacred? That’s interesting. I can’t imagine relating to grief as sacred.” Finding that concept interesting indicates curiosity, and curiosity will make all the difference as you read on and explore further. Finding the concept unimaginable indicates no prior reference point to what a sacred relationship to grief might look like. That dimension or space of “can’t imagine” is the perfect place from which to create an experience full of endless possibilities and unexpected discoveries.

Unlike many of its predecessors,Sacred Grief is not about the griefprocess. Rather, it is about ourrelationship to grief. Most of us aren’t even aware that we actually have a relationship with grief, so how we typically relate to it is unconscious and automatic. We experience and move through the process via knee-jerk reactions to a vast array of emotions based on our opinions about what grief should and shouldn’t look like. These opinions ultimately become the essence, or context, of our relationship to grief and have a tremendous impact on the quality of our lives and our experience of life.

Exploring one’s relationship to grief is both interesting and intriguing because my personal experience, as well as my observations of others, has shown that there is a fine line between understanding the grief process and actually experiencing it. One side of this line can put us at the affect of our opinions, while the other side keeps us in the driver’s seat, alert and awake to how we relate to what’s happening and all the emotions fostered by the events and losses in our lives. When we willingly take our place as an observant driver, we give grief the chance to unfold at its own pace and do what it’s ‘organically’ designed to do—help us heal and move forward with our lives.

Human beings experience all kinds of losses. The spectrum is vast: from losing a cherished possession or job, to the death of one’s life-long partner, spouse, or beloved parent or child. The issue here is not that one loss is more intense or life-altering than another because that’s frequently the case. The issue is that human beings tend to regard some losses as more sacred than others. Unfortunately, as with most experiences, our preference for pleasure over pain has us subconsciously label and categorize our losses, rather than consciously embrace them all, treating each loss with the dignity and respect it deserves as part of the unique tapestry of our lives.

There are literally thousands of books about the grief process, of which several have made a tremendous difference in dealing with my own grief. Many of these books talk about surviving the process, which I could relate to because when I turned to them for help and comfort, the essence or context of my grief was all about survival. However, ever since I allowed myself to go into what seemed like a