Part I
The Faces
Just as mental illness comes in various diagnoses, it shows up in different kinds of people, at different stages of their lives.
1. Start with Mother and Child
Let me say at the outset that mothers don't cause mental illness. That myth was dispelled long ago. But a mother can foster lifelong mental health. That's tough to do when she's depressed.
In the early months, no doubt Wanda was.
I didn't know it as post-partum depression. Was there such a term in 1965? But I can still see her sad face as I'd walk through the door in our Shirley Place apartment in Cincinnati's western hills. She might still be in her housecoat, strawberry blonde hair not combed. She seemed so frustrated, so inadequate with this baby who had no interest in taking naps during the day. The child seemed happy. The mother wasn't.
I tried to be sympathetic. But in truth, I didn't know how to help her.
Wanda, who died in 1997, was my first wife. We'd been married about three years when Robyn was born, in October, 1965. I had dropped my plan to be a minister and was doing student teaching in the morning and early afternoon, then typing freight bills at Mason-Dixon Truck Lines during the evenings. So the two of them, mother and child, were stuck together for much of the day.
It's pretty common for a new mother to get the blues. Most snap out of it within a few weeks. But for others, the blues turns into a major depression. Untreated the depression can last for years. It can become a lifetime of battling the disability, with only periodic remissions.
The story doesn't end there. Most of us can readily grasp this. The relationship between mother and child is critical to the child's mental health. It's the early bonding. It's the thousand ways a mother communicates to the child that he or she is wanted and loved without condition. Or, in tragic cases, she fails to communicate all that. Maybe the father's love rescues the child, maybe not.
The mother's mental health could be the most precious gift she can give to her child. If you see a baby who appears depressed, listless, it's not a great leap to assume that the mother has been depressed too. She hasn't been able to engage the child.
When the depressed child becomes a toddler, you're apt to find the child cries more easily than other children. That child is the one who develops sleep problems and might act out. In pre-sc