Bad Choices and Good Choices

Why do we behave in ways that we don’t want to? We overeat, stay in relationships that are no longer good for us, hurt the people that we care about, or say things we wish we had never said. We become obsessed with and sometimes addicted to eating food, smoking cigarettes, relationships, sexual activities, shopping, the internet, gambling, alcohol, drugs and various other pleasurable experiences. We engage in these and many other types of problem behaviors even when it is clearly no longer in our best interest to do so. We say to ourselves, “I want to stop, but I just can’t.” If there was just one simple theory to explain all of these problems and other common personal and relational human problems, we could perhaps move toward resolving them.

Most of these problems have obvious and quite logical solutions that almost any reasonable individual of average intelligence could suggest—solutions such as: “Just stop eating so much.” “If the relationship isn’t working, just end it.” “Be nice.” “Don’t say mean things.” “Just stop smoking, stop drinking, and stop spending six hours a day on the computer.” “Just stop making bad choices.” This is good advice, certainly not rocket science—easy to say, difficult to do.

These and other problematic behaviors are all matters of choice. We choose to eat, drink, and be merry way beyond what is in our best interest. When we attempt to change these behaviors, we discover that there is a part of us that does not want to change. Still, there is also a part of us that would perhaps like to put an end to these problematic behaviors once and for all, and experience a different life. The internal conflict of interest, which exists with each of these problems, must be resolved in order for you to experience a life that is less depressing, less anxious, more fulfilling, more joyful. In such a life, you may also get to know peace of mind.

Fortunately, you have the means to create that life, because, you are at the center of your universe. Furthermore, you are in control of your universe. These statements may appear to be arrogant at first glance, or perhaps it’s just a matter of perspective.

What is your perspective, or your belief, about how your universe works? I’m not talking about how the planets and stars move in space and collide into space drama. I’m referring to your personal universe, your perspective of life—your belief system. Your perspective includes beliefs about: who you are, why you are here, what you should be doing in life, what’s really important, what’s the right way to live, why do things happen the way they do, and what should you expect of the people and things around you. There may be a big difference between your own perspective of the universe, and the way that it actually works. The bigger the difference, the more frustration, or anger, you might experience. If you believe that everyone should drive on the road like a saint, you are going to be angry most of the time you drive. Perhaps true wisdom means developing a belief system perspective of the universe that is a peaceful match to reality, and then living that way.

Ultimately, you will live with your perception of the universe, along with your choices, your joys, your pains, your problems, and all of the resulting feelings. If you see your universe as a negative place, you will very likely experience a lot of negative feelings. A perception of the world as a dangerous place will produce vast amounts of fear. If you see your universe as an opportunity for learning, you may experience much gladness through discovery. To a great degree then, I believe that the amount of joy that you can experience in life is a perceptual challenge. The notion of a challenge suggests an inherent and fundamental conflict. The conflict exists between an ego perspective and a consciously developed