CHAPTER 1

The Philosophy and Theory of Family Resturcturing Therapy

Family Restructuring Therapy is an active, directive process that assists families in conflict to modify maladaptive interactions. It can also be used to assist lower-conflict“normal” families to heal from divorce and to move toward a new level of cooperation and functionality.

Family Restructuring Therapy is future-oriented and action-focused. It teaches parents to co-parent, to develop concrete and practical parenting plans, and can also work in reuniting parents with alienated children. The central focus is the needs of the children. Children need as many healthy and appropriate parents meaningfully involved in their lives as possible. Children do not need to be thrust into making adult decisions, such as how to divide up their time between parents, and they need to be protected from parental conflict. The next chapter will address these issues in more detail.

The problems that exist in high-conflict divorced families are not limited to one family member; all family members are affected. It is for this reason that a systemic approach is utilized that views the family system as the client, rather than the individual members. The family members all own part of the symptoms, so all family members must be part of the treatment. As a therapist, many times I have been asked to see a child individually from a split family that is not doing well. Typically, I refuse. What I tell the parents instead is that I first need to meet with the parents to see:

(a)  if they have the same view of the child’s symptoms,

(b)  if there are divorce issues which are likely creating stress on the child,

(c)  how they are attempting to treat the child’s symptoms, and

(d)  whether it is a problem that should be treated through individual counselling with the child or if, in fact, the work needs to be done first with the parents to see if they can make changes that allow the child to be healthier.

Family Restructuring Therapy makes an explicit demand for family members to change observable behaviours. It can go as far as telling the parent,“I expect you to change how you behave, not necessarily how you feel”. The focus is on what takes place between family members more so than what is going on within each family member. This approach examines interactions between different subsystems as well as the system as a whole. Another aspect of the family being a system is that systems are resistant to change. It is for this reason that nondirective talk therapy at best does not work with high-conflict divorce families and at worst exacerbates the problems.

Family Restructuring Therapy“blames” the family dynamic and ineffective patterns of problem-solving and communication, rather than pointing fingers at an individual. Even in an extreme case where there has be