How Does Coaching Actually Work?

There are varied opinions on this– or rather, let’s called them‘schools of thought’. I would like, therefore, to talk in particular about my way of coaching, my SOFTCo method, Solution Oriented Fast Tip Coaching. Before I start, let me tell you a little story:

Your neighbour is not happy. She complains to you about her husband, who does nothing at home:“He stands in front of the open fridge door and can’t find the butter.” And about their two sons who keenly mimic their father:“Mom, where are my football boots?” She complains that her half-day job in a small company“is nothing sensible at all.” She complains about a colleague that’s bullying her, and on and on she goes ...

How often and for how long can you listen to that? Perhaps your range of tolerance lies between“oh, just get lost ...” to“shame, she’s got nobody else, the poor woman.” If you’re a nice person, you listen patiently each time, nod agreeably, make simple utterances like“mmm”,“aha” and“oh”, and hope that you’ll also get a word in some time. If you’re not such a nice person, you try and avoid the whining neighbour at all costs, because she just complains and nothing ever changes.

People need other people as understanding listeners. Sometimes they need other people to console them, sometimes as a lightning conductor, sometimes to play the“wailing wall”, sometimes they need someone to spur them on and sometimes they need advisors.

And then there are situations where they need someone to help them get out of a rut they find themselves in. Or perhaps to turn general desires into concrete targets. They need someone to get them over their helplessness, rage or powerlessness. A person to take their suffering, anger, helplessness and lack of orientation, their desires and wishes seriously, and to help them find solutions and a way of getting from“misery to magic”, in a face-to-face discussion.“Dear Friend, I suggest that we meet up one evening and I’ll help you think about how you can improve your situation so that you feel good again.”

That’s called COACHING!

I know that many coach colleagues will vehemently denounce what I’m saying:“Now now, Ms Asgodom, that is extremely simplistic.”

Yes, it is! Because I have not written this book for psychologists, therapists and professional coaches; I’ve written it for every man and woman out there.

And I can already hear some stern colleagues saying:“Coaching requires an in-depth qualification with a founded psychological, therapeutic, systemic or neuro-linguistic-programming background. Surely not every Tom, Dick and Sally can call themselves coaches.

Indeed they can!

Mr Tom and Mrs Sally are more than capable of helping other people to find solutions. Coaching is not a secret code that one has to be let in on. Coaching is not a science that one has to study for years. Coaching is an art, that in particular has to do with attentiveness, mindfulness and humanity.

Of course, in addition to this, one requires other special abilities:

?  Sensing what it’s really about

?  Reflecting what’s up

?  Being aware of what cajoles and/or hinders me (or someone else)

?  Recognising the games behind the stories (why does someone get so worked up about someone/something?)

?  Creating alternatives for future-oriented action

?  Developing perspectives

?  Developing enthusiasm for people’s own solutions

?  Recognising links between thoughts

?  Unravelling“yes-but chains” (“Yes, you know what’s right, but you don’t do it.”)

In this book, I tell you in more detail how each of these things work. And once again: What I say here about coaching is not gospel. Instead I describe my experiences, especially those from short coaching sessions. These offer the chance to find solutions really quickly and to implement them relatively quickly too. And I want to encourage, in fact to empower people who have a coaching talent– yes, they do exist– to make something of it.

My SOFTCo method, which I also call“High-speed Coaching”, is particularly suited to finding crystal clear solutions in record time. That suits my work very well, because many of my clients are very committed to their jobs, don’t have unlimited time and belong rather to the impatient and deed-orientated group of people. To date, with this method, I have helped over 700 coaching clients (mostly in two or four hour sessions– seldom in eight hours) find solutions that are right for them, for amongst other issues:

?  finding their dream job

?  becoming a member of the government

?  saving their marriage

?  becoming a best-selling author

?  mastering crises at work

?  finding new career orientation

?  doubling their income (and even tripling it)

?  leaving unhappy situations where there is no prospect of improvement

?  setting up a company

?  agreeing to arbitration in conflicts with their parents

?  taking a sabbatical and developing themselves

?  improving their relationships with colleagues

?  recognising their own life’s wishes

?  gaining clarity for important decisions

?  being promoted

?  raising their incomes radically in self-employment